1. Constantly ask “Why?”
As in, “Why are we choosing to do this?” So often I found myself opting to sign up our kids for this or that because that was what was the norm in families around us, without critically assessing whether the choice really made sense for us, whether my kids would truly enjoy or benefit from the particular activity, whether there would be any potential negative ramifications on our family life from the additional commitment, and most importantly, what my underlying motivation was for making this choice for our kids. Drilling down the the “why” question is a simple way to discipline ourselves to make wiser choices as parents.
2. Remember the point of parenthood
It was amazing how many times, when I really dug into the true reason for why I was having our kids take this summer class or that sports lesson, that it all came down to a desire to have them be glorified somehow, someday. Too often we think that our job is to help our children reach an enviable state, so that by the time colleges evaluate their potential, they will be deemed an excellent addition. But conceiving parenthood and our children’s futures in this way entirely misses the point of why God gives us children at all.
God gives us the blessing of children not to further their future purposes, but to further His overall plan and purpose. Certainly he wants for us to help our kids invest in and develop their talents and abilities–but not for their own glory. I think too often, Christian parents forget this point, which is why our parenting looks so similar to that of families around us.
Yet we are called to “set [our] minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:2), carving out a different parenting path that will reflect “the peace of Christ” ruling our hearts, as opposed to wallowing in anxiety-ridden worry about our children’s future. Otherwise, the longer we pursue an “overparenting” type of approach in our families, the more we will ultimately be teaching our children that we are consumed by earthly approaches and failing to trust in the One who created our kids to begin with.
(In the next post, I’ll pose a third suggestion: that missional parenting can also be a great antidote to our overparenting culture. Stay tuned!)
What do you think about the current trend towards overparenting in our culture? How do you and your family strive to combat this trend in your own families? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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