Do These 4 Things Before/During/After a Funeral to Show Love and Reach People for Christ

[James Nored]

If you were to ask me which is gifts are stronger for me--evangelism or pastoral care--I would say the former. Still, I visit a lot of people in the hospital, counsel people, and seek to be there for them when loved ones pass away.

I actually very much want to minister to people when they have lost loved ones, and I am always glad to be able to perform a funeral. I have been to too many poorly done funerals, where a minister never speaks about the good things the person who died did, or he speaks about himself, or he tries to make it into a throw down gospel meeting. This is totally alienating to the non-Christians there and is a huge missed opportunity.

Here ate some things to do to reach out to those that have lost or are about to lose a loved one.

1. Go and visit the person who is in I'll health or dying.

This will allow you to speak firsthand about their life and personality at the funeral. You can provide help and comfort to them, which is Christian compassion. If they are non responsive, you can still meet the family members, show love, and offer to pray for them.

2. After the person passes, ask to meet with the family members and have them share good memories and qualities about the person.

Then, in the sermon, share these same stories back to those who shared them. They will appreciate this tremendously. Of course add in some Scripture and comfort or gently prod towards having those there consider what is most important--God and people.

3. Make sure that the church gets involved during this time.

Have the women provide food. Have the elders drop by for prayer (ask them to go with you.) Have the staff and members write cards. These can have an impact and show people the love of the church.

4. Learn the names, relationships, and stories of the family members, and show them your heart and concern.

Suggest getting together sometime after the funeral and get their contact information. From there, invite them to counseling, conversation, Bible study, or worship. I have been able to study with and convert a number of people in this way.

Last night I went with one of elders. Early B. Milstead, to go and visit the granddaughter of a long time member, Effie Acuff, who padded away this week. Early B. had known the family for a long time, so he was able to fill me in on details and help me to find connection points. Effie was a real pioneer in children's ministry, learning everything that there was to know about teaching babies. Her husband had been a well respected deacon in the church. Unfortunately, her children and grandchildren made different life choices.

During our visit, we were able to talk to and pray with the granddaughter and great-granddaughter (who also has a child). The great granddaughter in particular seemed open. I will followup with her after the funeral. I think that she probably has never really been part of a church. But hopefully, we will be able to touch her with love and kindness.

So, though funerals and the passing of lived ones are pastoral times, there can be doors opened at these times for tremendous evangelistic opportunities.

What suggestions do you have for showing live and reaching out to people before, during, and after funerals?

[James Nored]

Timothy, thank you for sharing this. It is indeed a gracious act for us to tell others how we have been blessed by them or one of their loved ones. We should continue to do this after a person's loved one has passed away.

[Timothy Tien]

I've been away from the town where I grew up for almost 3 decades when my mom passed away.  What was an unexpected outpouring of grace was when all these people who I'd never met came up to me and told me about how my mom secretly helped them.  That was really cool, and she continues to inspire grace (for which I need continual reminder).  This is a very powerful concept.

[James Nored]

Excellent thought, Bob. Yes, it is a privilege to "join" with the family at these times.

[Bob Young]

The most helpful concept for me out of my ministry studies as that of "joining."  The minister is in the unique position of being able to "join" the family at this time, to be present when only family members are present, to share emotions, stories, history, perspective.  The minister is both insider and outsider, both subjective and objective.  The willingness and ability to fulfill both roles is a powerful ally for the family during such times.

[James Nored]

Bill, thank you for sharing this. I cannot imagine the hurt and sorrow from this. Your thoughts confirm the importance of sharing back the good life of a person at a funeral.

[Bill Bowman]

I have lost my first wife and 21 year old son.  What was comforting was to hear people talk about their past lives and just listen and be quiet and let me talk.