Is Texting Detrimental to Relationships?

[Joshua Nichols]

Do you text? Do you tweet? Are you on Facebook or MySpace? Social networking has hit the floor running over the past few years. I have to admit, I, myself, have been sucked in to the social networking world. I have a Facebook account; I can be followed on Twitter; I can be connected with on LinkedIn; and I also am a part of Christian networking site known as Missional Outreach Network developed by a friend of mine.

When we sign up for such sites, we do not really think anything of it. Afterall, what harm could come by it. Most of the sites have privacy controls now so we can limit who views our profiles and we can select whom we allow in our circle - our "friends." I am still surprized as to how many users accept people they don't even know into their "friends" list, but that is another post for another time. There are a lot of positive things that can come through these social networking sites. You can reconnect and stay connected with friends and family. You can advance your business or further a cause. You can even use it as a tool for Christian outreach. But what happens when we don't set boundaries with these sites? Or with texting for that matter?

Although people stay connected through social networking and texting, these forms of communication can also be detrimental to relationships. I have seen full blown arguments take place on Facebook. I am aware of difficult, deep conversations taking place via texting and instant messenger. Using such methods in attempt to resolve conflict or converse about deep issues is not the wisest form of communication one could choose. In fact, it most likely will work against you rather than for you.

One reason we shouldn't use social networking or texting to discuss relationship problems is because others are left to interpret the meaning of our written words. Most of the time when this happens, the messages are written on a whim without much thought put into it, not to mention that most people try to keep them short to preserve time and space. Reading tone and emotion is almost next to impossible anyway, but this makes it all the more difficult.

Another reason we should choose wisely on our approach to discuss problematic issues has to do with the concept of vulnerability. Whenever we feel hurt, angry, confused, etc., we enter into a state of vulnerability. This is when we often say or do things that we regret later, which is why in order to keep relationships healthy, we must learn to effectively communicate and resolve conflict when we are feeling vulnerable. These are not easy skills to acquire and there is always more to learn. But, people are starting to gravitate toward wall posts, IM, and, the easiest avenue, TEXTING. They choose this method because it is safe, but it is extremely ineffective and often ends up perpetuating the problem and the hurt connected to it.

This is my encouragement to you. When you are faced with a dilemma with a close friend, relative, or especially your spouse, PUT DOWN YOUR PHONES and CLOSE YOUR LAPTOPS. Take a risk and go to them and talk it out like adults. Using these "safe" methods are often childish and cowardice. Jesus knew what he was talking about in Matthew 18 when he commanded us to go to one another when we feel like we've been sinned against. He knew that when we feel hurt or betrayed by someone we love, we should approach them in person (the narrow road) and not take easy way out (the broad road).

I am very interested in hearing your thoughts on this matter.

Note: This blog entry can also be found on www.map-vs-territory.blogspot.com.

[Joshua Nichols]

Thanks James. I believe it is a bigger problem than some might think.

[James Nored]

Josh, this is such a great post. If we have an issue with someone, we should talk with them face-to-face. People ignore this, and this creates all kinds of problems. Not only is there no body language or tone inflection to read, but as you say, others who read these posts (posts like these should not get passed around, but unfortunately often do) do not know the context.

I'll try to work this into my sermon tomorrow on the Lord's Supper. Thanks for sharing these posts. They can help us in the real world.