realizations (Myspace/FaceBook Blog; Trusting Truth)

[Deanna Christine Skiles]

Here we go.

God has finally knocked me on the head hard enough to get my attention.

I know that I've done things, said things, thought things that would make any decent person vomit. I know that I've always struggled with the idea that "God" was more than just a name to be prayed to, a name to be feared. This "God" figure seemed to be drawn up as a mixture of Santa Claus and the Bogeyman. And from encounters with "Christians," (you know the type,) I had pretty much signed off on the fact that this "God" was not actually a force that could change anyone, or influence anyone - "God" was just a ghost one could use to back up any claim, threat, or dream. A shadow that really only lived in and was active in ancient fables - something used to manipulate and condemn in speeches and confrontations.

I know now that God is so much more than that. He's omnipotent, He's omniscient, but while those are generally "blanket statements," they leave so much of Him unexposed.

Just like someone in a two-dimensional world cannot fathom how a three-dimensional world operates, we as physical beings cannot begin to understand the depths of God's complexity. There is a step of faith involved, when one takes on this belief in God. To know that not only did He form and craft every square inch of our universe in all of it's mystery and splendor, but He created each of us, as ridiculously complicated as we are. Beyond that, of all the beautiful, wondorous things in nature, we were favored. The Bible says we are higher up on his Top Friends than even the angels.

He reveals Himself in the most clever of ways - usually, I notice His direct involvement in my life through hindsight. He loved me when I was stuck in a self-destructive rut, and He loved me when I cursed Him. He sheltered me through my constant poor decisions, and He always nudged me quietly to remind me of His presence, even when I pretended not to notice. He constantly blesses me with surprises, from a sunrise that takes my breath away to the night sky that leaves me speechless from the vastness and beauty of it.

I made all of this for you. You really needed something to smile about today. Quit stressing out, I am in complete control. I'm here, don't worry.

I have never felt so overwhelmed in my entire life. That powerful being made this whole universe, and yet He still talks to me on a personal level, whenever I'm ready to listen. And despite all of my stupid mistakes, He still loves me, and still forgives me. Still.

He constantly opens new doors for me - new ways for me to discover His awesome existence, and new ways for me to share His love with others. I pray I never for once take His love for granted - that I never underestimate how infinite and enormous God is in comparison to how so very small I am.

I wish I could share this feeling with you, but I can't. I can only use limited, imperfect words, sentences, and grammar to give you tiny flashes and facets of this huge mess of emotions. You can write this off as a moment of mental instability. You can question me. I really don't care. 2D:3D - me:God. I don't have the rational, logical answers for everything, but God makes so much more sense to me now than He ever has before.

[James Nored]

Deanna, thank you for sharing this. Your story reminds me of the feelings I felt when I decided to be baptized. I was out at camp, age 12, at night, looking out at the stars. I was amazed that this incredible God sent his son to die for me--not just people out there, but me!

With the 2D/3D thinking, I really ought to get you a copy of the book "Flatland" that we talked about in our study.

Thanks for sharing through the video. Everyone was really touched by your story.