Teens + Dating = Highly ANXIOUS Parents!!!

[Joshua Nichols]

To the new parents out there: What does it do for you to think that your babies will be dating in the near future?  Can you recall some of the things you did while you were dating?

 

To seasoned parents: What was it like for you when your kids started dating?  How did you handle your anxiety?

 

Dating is a milestone that most teens look forward to; however, second to driving, it is probably the most dreaded for parents. Why is that?  Well, because we've been there.  We know about the curiosity that lingers in a teenage mind.  We know about the here-and-now mindset that teens live in and that the word "consequences" often doesn't seem to even be in their vocabulary.  This causes us much anxiety. So, what do we do?  Here are some helpful tips for discussing dating with your teen.

1. Beware of your own anxiety.  Often parents allow their anxiety to drive their behaviors.  Parents should work hard at staying calm and connected when discussing dating or situations related to dating with their teens.  Anxiety only communicates to them that you can't handle it.
2. Be excited for them. This is an important milestone in your teen's life; thus, you need to be as supportive as possible.
3. Set the rules for dating. Let them know what you expect (e.g., curfew, etc.) of them.  After all, dating is a privilege and they need to be responsible with that privilege.
4. Focus on the "Do's" instead of the "Don'ts." Let me start by saying, that I think it is okay to state what is inappropriate because of the negative consequences involved.  But, more importantly, parents should work hard at helping their teens think about what they should be doing in undertaking this privilege known as dating.  Teens should be focused on RIGHTEOUSNESS (i.e., doing what is right) instead of focusing on the line they aren't suppose to cross.  If they are focused on the line, then they will typically see how close they can get without crossing it.  However, if they are pursuing righteousness, then there is really no need to look back at where you are NOT supposed to be.  Thus, help them determine what is "right" in a dating relationship.

I have had the privilege via church camp of working with young men who are in the beginning stages of their interest in girls and dating.  I would like to close by sharing with you my approach in helping them think critically about this idea of pursuing righteousness (note: this can also be used with young ladies as well).

 

I start off by asking them to picture their ideal wife.  I ask them to tell me about her.  What does she look like?  What is her character like?  What are her interests?  Is she a Christian? Don't let their answers scare you.  Spend a little time here and have a laugh or two.  Then, I say, chances are, that person is existing and living her life somewhere in this world.  She might even be your age; thus, she is still a teenager and probably living with her parents.  What kind of parents do you hope she has?  How do you hope she is being treated at home?  Remember, this is your future wife we are talking about here.  Next, I tell them that before you meet her, chances are she will date a few guys and maybe even fall in love a couple of times before she meets you.  Therefore, as she begins dating, what kind of guys would you like her to stay away from?  What kind of guys would you like her to be dating until she meets you?  Then, I ask, this very important question: Will you grant the future husbands of the girls you date the same curtosy and respect?

 

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.  Good luck on your parenting journey.

 

 

 

 

[James Nored]

Good thoughts here, Josh. I like the "righteousness" approach, as opposed to rules approach, that you have here. And asking guys, Will you grant the future husbands of the girls you date the same curtosy and respect? is a good appeal.

I'm glad that Gina and Emily are 9 and 6!