Barking at Cats: A Lesson in COMMUNICATION

[Joshua Nichols]

A couple of years ago, my lovely wife and I spent our Christmas holiday at her parents' in Arizona. In addition to hauling our luggage down, we also brought our 2 wonderful dogs with us. They loved it down there. However, if I could guess one frustration they might have experienced it probably had to do with my in-law's tabby cat. Oh they wanted to play with her so badly, but she would elevate herself on different structures to avoid potentially deadly interaction with our dogs. In response, the dogs would sit and bark at her. This really got my wheels turning. I asked myself, "Do these dogs really think their (semi)ferocious verbal outbursts will somehow convince this cat that they are no longer a threat to her well-being?" or "Maybe the cat will become so annoyed with the barking that she'll just give herself up to shut them up?" - HERE'S YOUR SIGN. I believe, in reality, the dogs, with their primitive minds, probably do believe they'll get what they want from that cat by barking at it. Thus, my first thought is, "Shut up you stupid dogs." Then, I realize I must be careful because we, humans, often do the same thing. For example, I have counseled (and witnessed) many married couples who get into these vicious arguments that involve name-calling, scorekeeping, nagging, so on and so forth. What do they think, that this behavior will actually get the other to think or do as they wish? The answer is "YES!" for the most part. The odd thing is that most of them have been doing this with each other for years; although it never worked, THEY STILL DO IT! Sounds a lot like the dog barking at the cat, huh?

Jerry Seinfeld has a great piece on this behavior. He refers to men whistling and yelling at women from construction sites, but he states that honking the car horn at a women is the last human brain cell working. He says what do we think will happen? Do we think she's going to kick off the heels and latch on to the bumper of a moving car? And when the car stops, do we think she'll walk over to us and say "I'm so glad you honked! I never knew how you felt." Very primitive behavior - just like dogs barking at cats.

As people, but especially as Christians, we have to stop acting so primitively as we relate to each other. In James 3, James actually alludes to the fact that our tongues are harder to tame than animals. I don't know if I like this notion... that in some ways we are worse than animals....but its true. We don't have an excuse. We actually have this part of our brain that animals don't have known as the neocortex - this is what makes us human. James challenges us to actually use this part in 1:19 - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. When we are hurt, threatened, or misunderstood by others, as hard as it may be, we have to take a step back and consider these thoughts, "Will my next behavior reflect Christ? How can I respond in a way that increases my chances of advancing the Kingdom? Will my next action make a difference for this person? Will my next behavior make a difference for the Kingdom of God?"

Good luck and may God bless you in all of your relationships.

[James Nored]

Josh, I often go over these Scriptures from Eph. 4:29-32 with couples.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Becki and I have had arguments, of course, but we have never called each other names or purposefully sought to tear the other person down. Sadly, though, for many couples, this is a way of life. It ought not be.

Good thoughts.

[Bill Bowman]

I find this article applicable especially divorced couples who have a common child.  They are at each others throat.  Many times it is a game of "who has the greatest power."  The poor child is right in the middle of the "barking."  May God help them to stop barking and start wagging their tails!

Bill b.

[Joshua Nichols]

You are correct, Bill.  When divorce is part of the equation, people find themselves behaving in ways they never thought they were capable of behaving.  And too the worst of all the behaviors is when they begin to use their children as weapons against each other.  The scripture James posted is a great one to remember, but often very hard to execute.  When we find it hard to forgive and to have compassion toward another, then it is probably time to seek help probably in the areas of mental health and spiritual healing.  Thanks for your thought.

Bill Bowman said:

I find this article applicable especially divorced couples who have a common child.  They are at each others throat.  Many times it is a game of "who has the greatest power."  The poor child is right in the middle of the "barking."  May God help them to stop barking and start wagging their tails!

Bill b.