Forgiveness in Marriage

[James Nored]

Forgive and forget, right? Not according to this article: Forgive and forget? Not if you know what's good for your marriage. Josh, as Christians we know that we are supposed to forgive. What do we make of this article? What thoughts do the rest of you have?

[Bill Bowman]

I find that in my near 60 years of marriage that there are 5 elements that start with C"

  1. Commitment

  2. Compromise

  3. Compassion

  4. Cooperation

  5. Communication

 

Of course, forgiveness is a given if these 5 elements are active.

 

 

 

[Greg Ziegler]

James...interesting article. Who knows anything, based on any one study but... I suspect that in the world today (and often, even the church), what we credit as forgiveness is more of a sweeping things under a rug. We're pretty short on face to face confrontation (with a Christ-like spirit), big on excuses and rationalization, and in the church, often we "just want people to get along and there to be peace." Don't know about everyone else, but in my marriage, I've OFTEN needed to say, "I'm sorry" because I've been callous way too often. Sometimes I've been what Paul Faulkner used to refer to as a real "clod." My wife and I have needed to "talk things out," rather than sweep things under the rug, or allow things to pile up. Forgiveness isn't simply not holding someone accountable...it is choosing to work out the account and forgive the debt. Sometimes you can't, and in those times, things must be committed to the Lord (as Jesus did, noted in 1 Peter 2:23ff). But that is a last resort, not a first.

Of course, there are small slights, usually unintentional in nature (maybe sometimes not), that we need to simply let go. The writer of the proverb said that it is to a man's glory to overlook an offense. But there are other circumstances, substantial problems, that if not dealt with, have a tendency to fester. The writer of Hebrews made a statement about not letting a bitter root to grow (12:15) up and cause trouble among many.

Overall, I judge that the article wasn't comparing "forgiveness" to "holding a grudge." It was comparing sweeping it under the rug to holding a grudge...and neither are decent resolutions.

[James Nored]

Greg, I think that you have given a very good biblical perspective on the different aspects of forgiveness. While there are small things that ought to be just forgotten, as Proverbs tells us, Jesus talks about going to a person who has wronged us in the context of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just sweeping things under the rug. It may involve confrontation first of the issue. This is what may be missing in the situations mentioned in the above article.

 

I love your perspective, Greg. Thanks for sharing!