One of my minister friends posted a link to this article, which I have reposted below. Here is the original link: I do think it is okay to honor certain people. The Bible says to give honor to whom honor is due. We can find ways to honor and those those who are not mothers, and many of the suggestions in the article I think can be helpful.
What are you thoughts? Here is the original article below.
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Dear Pastor,
Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.
You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.
I set my can down and this is what I’d say.
A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful. I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.
Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day. A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.
Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.
Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.
2. Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.
To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.
I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods. Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).
Warmly and in your corner,
Amy
Comment
Yes, moms get the nice treatment and dads typically get the kick in the pants. I've tried to be more encouraging and thankful to the dads.
James,
Indeed. I've preached sermons on "God as Mother"--Instead of honoring moms and dads as much, I find it much more helpful to focus on how God serves as our ultimate Father and Mother (the mom metaphor could get you in trouble in some circles, but it is certainly biblical--especially in the Hebrew Scriptures). Besides, moms always get the good sweet sermons because there's an abundance of biblical stories about great moms. Poor dads catch it in the neck because most of the stories about dads are how they totally messed up! (no respect...what can I say?) 8^)
Darryl, I always try to be mindful on these days that some had terrible fathers or mothers. But helping them see, for instance, that God is the father that they always wanted, or that other mothers can be good role models, I think is a way to help those who have pain on this issue, Thanks for sharing!
William, I still find value in Mother's Day sermons, and still think that it is okay to have them stand. But, like you, I think that there are some adjustments that we can make in the message to be more inclusive and considerate of those who cannot or do not have children.
Nell, thanks for the thoughts! I guess the post is making the rounds.
Thank you for a very sensitive and helpful article! I worry that some will read this article and wonder if this is PC--but the truth is: she is spot on. Motherhood is special and good mothers should be honored (not all mothers are good)--but we should not honor them at the expense of hurting those who have lost their children through miscarriage or those who desperately wanted to be mothers but for whatever reason cannot be. And do not forget that mothers/fathers day can also be a horrible source of pain to those who have experienced incredible abuse.
Again, thank you for sharing this!
I'm a retired minister and several years ago was reminded by a kind-hearted Christian sister that Mother's Day does not fit all women (even all mother's) alike. I tried to make adjustments for that in my sermon on that special day. Thus, it seems to me that Amy has expressed her concerns very well and is to be congratulated for her loving and thoughtful words. Let's hope -- and pray -- that many, many ministers get the message and make good use of it. God will be better glorified on this notable day if we do.
I was sent this a couple of days ago by a non-mom friend. I struggled as well with several years of infertility before the birth of our children. I think these words would make an excellent litany on mother's day.
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